In Lifestyle/ Featured

7 Tips to Dating Successfully & Meeting Mr. Right Over 40

Hello beautiful ones! I pray that you’re doing exceedingly well.

I never thought I’d be dating and looking for love at 40 years young, much less 48. My marriage was supposed to withstand the storms of life and anything else that was thrown at it. But, that didn’t happen. In 2009 the beginning of the end of my storybook marriage began and by 2014 I was forced into the world of dating.

Needless to say, I was terrified of the dating scene because everything I had heard was nothing but gloom & doom from other women, especially those over 40. I’m so glad that I didn’t hang onto the horrible things they shared with me and chose to figure things out on my own. As a result, I met several wonderful men, had some fun times, and eventually met the man that I’m currently dating. Yep, my dating experience was great: traditionally and via online dating sites. In fact, I met my sweetie on Plenty of Fish, an online dating site.

Here’s what I know for sure: dating over 40, or even 50, doesn’t have to be hard; we make dating harder than it has to be. Below are 7 tips that helped me to enjoy dating over 40 and meet my Mr. Right For Me:

 

Stay true to yourself, your needs & your wants. Both in person & and in the writing of my online profile I made sure to be concise, straightforward, and absolute about what was acceptable and not acceptable to me. I didn’t minimize what was important to me to be more ‘palatable’ or attractive to someone that would not honor and respect these requirements. In fact, I believe that this helped to weed out those men who were not a good fit because they realized I wasn’t a push over.

I’m not saying that you should date someone who doesn’t meet some of the requirements only your list. I’m saying stick to your guns about those things that would cause you to compromise who you are at your core – your non-negotiables – or would cause you to lose respect for yourself & him at some point in the relationship. For example, my faith is very important to me and it was necessary for me to meet someone who shared the same beliefs; hence, this was not negotiable. However, if I had met someone who shared my beliefs and met my other non-negotiables I would have gladly dated him if other not so important areas were not up to par.

  1. Take everything you hear from others about dating with a grain of salt & form your own opinions based on your own experiences. Dating at any age can be quite frustrating if you take everything you hear, good or bad, about it at face value. Everyone’s experience is going to be different because we all bring different things to the table, have different needs & wants, and different personalities. What works for one person may not work for you and vice versa Yes, there are some looney birds out there and some men who are up to no good. However, that can be said of some women who are dating as well.
  2. Have a positive mindset. It’s easy to think that there aren’t any good men available when you look at statistics and listen to the gloom & doom from other women who have not been successful at meeting Mr. Right or are still harboring unforgiveness, anger, animosity, etc. from past relationships. The moment you retrain your brain to think positive thoughts about the availability of good men you will start attracting good men to you. The thoughts and words you put into the universe are what you will receive!
  3. Listen to and follow your instinct! If your mind is telling you to run…run as fast as you can. If your mind is telling you to give this person a chance based on VALID, SUBSTANTIAL information that you’ve acquired over quality time in their presence it may be a good idea to give them a little more time to see if you all can get on the same page. I’m not saying put up with anything disrespectful, hurtful, violent, or anything of this nature. I’m saying keep in mind that men hold on to hurt much longer than women and their egos are much more fragile. He may be a great man and simply needs a little more time to let go of the fear of being hurt again. Love, compassion, empathy, and patience can and does make a world a difference!
  4. When a person shows you who they are believe them! As women, we tend to make excuses for bad behavior of people we love and or want to love because of the fear of being alone and our nurturing instincts. However, unless you’re looking for a project, a hobby, or a child to raise, don’t do this with any man you’re dating. The moment you excuse their behavior you set a precedent. The more you excuse the behavior you become consistent and therefore you set the expectation with them. Hence, the only person you have to blame when the fall out eventually happens is you.
  5. Live your life to the fullest! Stay active, travel, go out with your girlfriends, enjoy family time & gatherings, and focus on doing those things that make you happy! Men are attracted to women who are living life no matter who is in their life or not. They want a woman who knows how to laugh at herself and not take herself too seriously. They want a woman with a sense of adventure, a sense of humor, a bit of silly at times. In other words, they want a woman who knows what it means to actively, truly live!
  6. Don’t let your past wreck your present and dim your future! We are supposed to learn from our past relationship mistakes, but we also need to understand that the relationship is HISTORY. As I stated in Tip # 3, what you think will manifest itself. Don’t take any negative energy, thoughts, actions, or anything else from your past into your present dating activities or you’ll surely end up wrecking your present while simultaneously dimming what could have been a rewarding, positive future.

I truly hope these tips are helpful and I wish you all the best in your pursuit of love! You deserve it sisterfriend!!!

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What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?
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